It’s Friday. Your boss is working from home and you don’t have any deadlines until next month. So… you’re at work, but you have no work. How do you kill all that time at the office while still looking like are doing things so you can justify getting paid for the day? Here’s a few tips!
1) Google Earth – This digital mapping program is a great resource for GIS analysis, directions for business travel, historical overlays, and exploring places you’ll go on vacation then Florida then beaches then other beaches then Hawaii then volcanoes then Pompeii then use Streetview to see if there are still some dead volcano people there.
2) Skype for Business – Use this conferencing tool to ping your coworkers for quick answers or hold remote meetings company-wide. It’s also useful for massive amounts of office gossip, or running an all-day trivia contest with the entire floor. Just be sure not to type anything that contains a less-than symbol next to the number 3, or you’ll accidentally send your boss a heart emoji (and he might not be ready for that yet).
3) Go to the Bathroom – And just sit for a while.
4) Check Stuff Out Guy – Have a walk to the copy room and check stuff out. Pick up a stapler. Neat. Ok, now put that down, then open a cabinet. Everything in there checks out. Ok, have a look at the print cue. Wow, Ian is printing 43 pages, I bet he’s going to do some reading soon. What’s that black thing on the counter? Might as well see if you can spin it like a top. Alright, job well done. Back to the ol’ workdesk.
5) Wikipedia Quest – Log on to Wikipedia to get some quick info on a topic so you can speak to it with the client, but then get lost in the abandoned salt mine that is the “random article” button. Now that you’re reading about Miejska Wieś, the village in Poland and its history in Eastern Prussia, try to get back to the article you started on by clicking only the hyperlinks within each article. (Hint: Prussia > German Unification > Napoleonic Wars. I’m sure you can find your way back to accountant stuff from there)
6) Go to the Kitchenette – And just stand for a while.
7) Excel your Life – Microsoft Excel is the standard for organizing data sheets and sorting information in a clean and efficient way. It’s also the standard for lazy attempts to organize your own life, like tracking your weight loss, creating a personal budget you won’t stick to, or building your own roulette program so you can always win at gambling (which you can!).
8) Giggle at LinkedIn – If you work in HR, you no doubt use LinkedIn on a regular basis to find qualified candidates, but don’t hesitate to also click random profiles and snicker at their pictures and qualifications. This guy added “swords” as a skill, and is wearing a bow tie. (Pro tip: look for other jobs).
9) Do You Have Any Work Voicemails? – No.
10) Set your Fantasy Teams – Most of the halfway-decent fantasy sites like ESPN and CBS are set up with plenty of office-y looking material. Bar graphs, pie charts, expert statistical analysis, and a cash-flow of how your kicker performs over a 10-year holding period. Why if they didn’t know any better, the people walking past your desk might say you’re hard at work, what with all those numbers on your screen!
11) Create a Comedy Satire Website
So there it is, 11 things you can do at work that aren’t work but still kinda look like work. Now get out there and waste your day! And if anybody from Mobilitie is reading this… I’m creating a tracker.
Jack Ritchey – 11.12.2018