A Michigan couple got a surprise last week when the woman went out to harvest the fruits of their garden. There was a lot of local excitement about it, so a reporter went to get a first-hand story.
“So what exactly happened on that day?”
“I couldn’t believe it. I was scared to death. I was like, ‘Harold! Harold! Get yer ass out here! Hurry!’
“Well, Harold came scramblin’, wonderin’ what all the fuss was about. He thought I came across a big ol’ snake, but it weren’t no snake, was it Harold?”
“Snake? Hell no, it weren’t no snake! You see this here? It’s a damn alien tomato. You see the two eyes, and a baby mouth, and how its head is bigger at the top? That’s a damn alien tomato, yessiree Bob. If ever I saw one, which I never have, but still, just look at that!”
“Do you mind if I get a picture of you two with the tomato?”
“Oh, hell no! No, no, no!” Wanda became quite upset at the suggestion.
“Ya see, Wanda here is superstitious. She made me pluck the tomato from the vine, and she hasn’t even touched it at all. She made me throw the whole plant away, and it had some nice maters on it, too. She thinks she’ll get them there alien germs on her and maybe transform into an alien, herself. She won’t come within ten feet of it.”
“I see. What about if we put it in that colander of grapes over there on the garden table, so folks can see how big it is?”
“That’s a right good idea. I’ll just set it right here. How’s that?”
“Perfect!” Click.
“Well, I guess I got the whole story now, so I better get going to the next one.”
The reporter reached out to shake Harold’s hand, and Harold pulled him back, hard. Harold stuck his snake-like tongue in the reporter’s ear, and it came out the other side. “Mmmm — brains. So good.”
Cheryl Ireland – 10.29.2019
waxinghumorous 