Category Archives: Becky Garrison

Serving Up The National Prayer Breakfast With Russian Flair

trump breakfast

This just in! Among the more obscure items found in the affidavit against Russian spy Maria Butina include the menu from the 2018 National Prayer Breakfast. Given the presence of 60 Russian guests, organizers planned a breakfast that highlighted the growing US-Russian relations while also appealing to Trump’s unsophisticated palate. Get a taste of this!


Menu for the 2018 National Prayer Breakfast

February 8, 2018

 

Well done eggs

Burnt bacon

Kolbasa (sausage)

 

McDonald’s® Egg McMuffin

 

Ore Ida® hash browns smothered with Velveeta® cheese and Blue Bonnet® margarine   

 

Syrniki (cheese fritters)

Tvorog (quark cheese) with honey

 

Putin Pancakes (blinis topped with smoked salmon, sour cream and chopped onions)

 

Bisquick® pancakes served with Smuckers® strawberry jam, Aunt Jemima® Butter Rich syrup and one scoop of Walmart’s® Great Value Homestyle Vanilla ice cream. (There is a note appended to be sure to deliver two scoops on the Presidential plate.)

 

Kellogg’s® Corn Flakes

 

McDonald’s® fried apple pie

 

Jeff Sessions’ Elfin Delight (candy, candy corn, candy canes, and syrup)

 

Instant Russian Tea with Tang®

McDonald’s® coffee served with Mike Pence’s “mother’s” milk

 

SWAG BAG

Bottle of Trump Vodka (out of circulation since 2011)

$6.66 gift certificate for use at www.ivankatrump.com (All Sales Final)

Matryoshka (Russian nesting dolls) featuring from smallest to largest dolls: Jeff Sessions, Betsy DeVos, Ben Carson, Mike Pence, Donald Trump/Vladimir Putin


 

Now that’s an awful lot of flavor to Put-in your mouth! So say ‘dasvidaniya’ to those early morning hungry bugs, and ‘zdravstvuj’ to somebody going to jail for collusion (please?)

Becky Garrison – 8.28.2018

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Trump’s Toddler Tunes

When the news leaked that the first time in 100 years the US Cabinet has a bible study, the location and other details of these clandestine gatherings remained under wraps. But our intrepid reporter managed to secure a few of the ditties performed at these studies by various members of the Trump administration.

By Becky Garrison; Photos by David Hayward (@Nakedpastor)

 

https://nakedpastor.com/2016/12/trump-at-the-nativity-scene/

trump-at-nativity

“This Little Law of Mine” as sung by Betsy DeVos

This little law of mine, Being gay’s a crime

This little law of mine, Being gay’s a crime

This little law of mine, Being gay’s a crime

It’s a crime, crime, crime

It’s a crime!

 

Out there in the schools, Being gay’s a crime

Out there in the schools, Being gay’s a crime

Out there in the schools, Being gay’s a crime

It’s a crime, crime, crime

It’s a crime!

 

Over at the White House, Being gay’s a crime

Over at the White House, Being gay’s a crime

Over at the White House, Being gay’s a crime

It’s a crime, crime, crime

It’s a crime!

 

https://nakedpastor.com/2017/08/are-trump-and-the-church-in-bed-together/

Trump-and-Church-in-Bed

“Justice I Am” as sung by Jeff Sessions (To the tune of that Billy Graham classic Christian tune “Just As I Am”)

Just as I am, I take a plea,

but that thy lies were shed for me,

and that thou givest thy bum to me,

O Lord of Trump, I’m scum, I‘m scum.

 

Just as I am, a vile maggot

to lose my soul as it did rot,

to thee, whose power makes me hot,

O Lord of Trump, I’m scum, I’m scum.

 

Just as I am, though tossed away

with many are hurting, many are gay,

law and order is washed away,

O Lord of Trump, I’m scum, I’m scum.

 

Just as I am, thou wilt deceive,

wilt condemn, pardon, tweet, reprieve;

because thy money I believe,

O Lord of Trump, I’m scum, I’m scum.

 

https://nakedpastor.com/2017/02/trump-church/

Trump-Church

Donald Loves Me as sung by Mike Pence

Donald loves me! This I know,

For my mother tells me so;

Little ones he really wronged,

I am weak but He is strong.

 

[Chorus]

Yes, Donald loves me!

Yes, Donald loves me!

Yes, Donald loves me!

My mother tells me so.

 

Donald loves me! He who lied,

Liberal commies make my cry;

He will squash away his foes,

Dictators can suck his toes.

[Chorus]

 

Donald loves me! loves me now,

Though I’m very weak and bow;

From His shining throne on high,

Tweets about me till I cry.

[Chorus]

 

Donald loves me! He will stray,

Little girls he loves to play;

He’s prepared a toy for me,

And some day big boy I’ll be.

[Chorus]

 

Written by Becky Garrison – 4.24.2018

Cartoons by David Hayward – 4.24.2018

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