PORTLAND, ME – Shivering naked and frustrated as he misused the wrong knobs, a local dolt was reportedly confounded by the perfectly reasonable shower controls at his Airbnb this weekend. “I put the left turny-job all the way to red, and I pulled up the doohickey, but how do I get hot water to come out up top?” asked the dingus as he struggled to grasp the intricacies of the $50 dollar rig, adding that the professionally designed fixture which can be purchased at any Home Depot was far too complicated for anybody to ever comprehend. “You got this right thingy that makes bath water go, but then there’s a middle guy that won’t turn. Nobody in the world would understand a shower like this!” At press time the numbskull could be seen soaking wet and rummaging through kitchen drawers looking for a bath towel.
Jack Ritchey – 1.23.2018