DARTHAM CITY, METROPOLIS – After a string of strong-arm robberies, alleyway muggings, and family-owned grocery stores getting trashed by thugs all brandishing the same suspicious hoodie with red bull horns on top, local billionaire and reclusive genius Wayne Kent has decided to stay home again. “I’m not going out there. Did you see the news? No way, man. My house has iron gates, and I have booze” declared Kent from his study with an excessive fireplace. “You know my parents died out there, right? My butler was like ‘Mr. Kent, the city needs a hero like you – only you can tame the Bull’, but I have a lot of 90 Day Fiance to catch up on, so I’m in for tonight. And tell them to turn off that stupid spotlight.” At press time, a the heinous visage of a bull with the phrase “Toro is Chaos” has been spray painted all over mailboxes and buildings across Dartham, and the clock atop city hall has suddenly begun a looming countdown to midnight, while Mr. Kent reportedly considered taking a bath.
Jack Ritchey – 1.14.2020