Welp you’ve crushed piles of beige food and pulled yourself out of that deep turkey coma in the wee small hours of the morning to go wait in line in the frigid late November weather. All in the hope of stomping some necks and snagging the best deal of the year on the nicest tv around. But not every Black Friday deal is worth it and not every tv is created equal. So, know before you go, here are SEVEN things to look for when shopping for a TV this Black Friday.
Ultra HD, 4K, BLUR-Vision, who can keep up? But it’s important to know, it’s not how good your tv looks when you buy it but more importantly if your tv makes a promise to improve itself in the coming year. Lose some weight, read more, or anything to let you know its not just going to lay around and watch itself all day.
You’re going to see a lot of deals out there that seem too good to be true, and many will be. $200 for a 72 inch 4K smart TV?! Go fuck a dog, you liar! But what that price tag isn’t showing you is all the other hidden costs lumped in with your brand new set. Make sure you budget for all your soon to be needed diet pills and therapy sessions for your child’s abandonment issues.
When it comes to watching the big game or that new blockbuster movie, size really does matter. Before you buy, make sure to check the size of the TVs dick.
4. Is it Right for You?
With so many TV’s out there how do you know which one is right for you? Well, it’s important to know if you can see yourself in the TV. I mean, truly see yourself. In those brief moments of nothingness, as the channels change, who is reflected back in the black mirror looming before you? Is it you? “It doesn’t look like me. That person is so old… How long have I been sitting here?”
5. Smart Tech
Every TV on sale this Black Friday will likely have built in smart tech. TV’s these days listen to you, anticipate your needs, and some are even watching you while you watch them! So, don’t be a show they’d skip. Turn your life into an interesting and wacky series of events to make sure your TV continues to tune in. Get your kooky neighbor to help you date two people at once, or trick your roommate into jumping a shark over your sofa. Either way your TV will be recommending you to all their smart device friends.
6. Flat or Curved?
A lot of TVs have the curve now, and others are the traditional flat. While both of these options are neat, nothing compares to the TVs that are an absolute right angle.
7. Extended Warranty
A lot of people will tell you the extended warranty is a scam. But look at it this way; technology is an investment. Don’t you want the comfort of knowing that when you pass this TV down to your child in 50 years, once the top soil is scorched and bands of gypsy marauders roam the wasteland, your daughter will be able to bring this heirloom into any burnt out husk of a best buy and get it repaired by the geek CHUDS?
There you have it. Go into this Black Friday armed with the knowledge and confidence to buy your perfect TV. Oh, and PRO TIP, pay the extra money for the power cable. It’s not cheap but it’ll make your new television work so much better.
Ryan Doris & Jack Ritchey – 11.21.2018