Ralph Lauren Supports Furry Culture; Announces Run For Presidency


NEW YORK – In a transformative move, Ralph Lauren stores have erected mannequins with giant Polo Bear heads in order to support the Furry culture. When asked, an associate stated, “Ralph has long felt that the holiday season is not all inclusive. In order to show that we stand with the Furries, Ralph wanted us to display them in our store windows.”

The renowned Ralph Lauren himself spoke out. “It is time that our great nation accepts those from all walks of life.” he stated. “In this day and age, who are we to deny that Furries are truly animals instead of ‘humans in costumes’? Who are we to judge whether a bear and a deer want to fornicate instead of be mortal enemies? These are the questions we must ask ourselves.” At this time Ralph Lauren donned a Polo Bear head. “Too long I’ve hidden behind my flesh when I should have flown my fur! I am officially announcing my run for presidency in hopes of lessening our country’s divide. I am confident that my platform of unity will have the support of the people AND the animals! Long live Polo Bear! Long live the Furries!” Ralph then pounced off on all fours.

We had the opportunity to speak to a local wolf who resides in the Lincoln Park Zoo. His gnarls and his gnashes, while aggressive, seemed to be mostly approving.

Ralph Lauren was last seen in the Arctic hunting penguins with the Coca Cola Polar bear.

Bill Bates – 11/26/2018

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